thoughts

November 5th, 2009
I dabble in a lot of things in the internet world. I'm an artist. I'm on devianatart. I play petsites, Subeta and Neopets. I've got a blog, but am I a blogger? I code websites, I doll, or I used to. Used to be active in The Gathering, in the Dolling Community. I used to roleplay, stopped. Barely even updated my devart any more. Who am I? What am I? Am I an artist, blogger, coder, writer? Everyone on the internet seems to have a unique identity. They stand out, for their thoughtful insights, their amazing pictures, their excellent dolls, something about them makes them unique. I feel as if everything in the real world has stripped away anything of who I am on the internet.
I am a nostalgic person. I spend hours wistfully wishing that I coudl go back o "The good old days". I read blogs that make me wish I could be them, stare at art, watch youtube channels, hope and wish and pray that something will hit me. I'm not insightful - when I blog it's about the mundane activities of my day. I'm not funny, or particularily smart or witty. I'm not the most excellent artist but I am trying. But I sometimes feel so stuck in the mundanity of now that the past seems so romanticised and beautiful. I loved roleplaying with my friends back when I was younger. And now the spark has gone, and I can't do it any more. I've lost touch with so many people, but have watched them from afar, seeing them chance and grow. And oh, how I envy them. I am sure I haave grown as well, but I wonder if the place I am in now is not ht eplace I want to be in. I still feel so immature. I want so much more than what I have, and I know the only way to get it is to push, but can I push past my innate laziness, that part of me that says, no, relax, just get through school - you can do this /later/. Well what if later never comes What if I wate for tomorrow so many times that one day I am old and dying and tomorrow will never be here. I thought I knew what I wanted from life but now I am just not sure any more. Who am I? What do I want to be? What do I want to do with my life? Do I have to be commited to just one thing? It's the same complex I have with friends. I want to be EVERYONE'S best friend. I can't be happy if everyone doesn't like me and care for me and love me and I'm not on their top myspace 8. It's ridiculous, yet I cant' get over this feeling inside that makes it necessary for me to be everyone else's number one - something I know is ridiculous. Is this the reason i feel so incomplete? Am I pushing myself to want to excell, to do everything that I want to do perfectly? I want to be an expert at drawing, writing, playing games, dolling, etc. But I can't do that and be involved in all those communities, it's too much. Do I have to choose? Why do i feel as though i have to be popular or well known to make my efforts worth it?

October 24th, 2009
It is 2 AM and I was about to go to bed when I remembered my blog and how long I spent making it look pretty and how yesterday I had decided to write in it some more, and since today I set up routines that I want to follow, I have decided to add this in!

So today was pretty damn awesome, I am not even going to lie. It feels like a saturday I got so much done =) I slept till 11 because I had the custodian just let himself in, which was so nice. Got up, got ready, actually had time to shower and look nice and presentable and pretty and girly and that was super joyful! I went to class, got there on time, got out five minutes early, lazed around in my room for a couple of hours, ate some (admittedly shitty) food, then went to the mall with B. This was pretty amazing, not even going to lie =) We tried on fun halloween costumes, and found her a super sexy mafia costume. I got everything i needed for my halloween costume =D So I dropped her off at her apartment, went to walmart to get the tights and fake lashes needed to complete my costume and lo and behold - walmart now sells Hard Candy Cosmetics, which I love, so I bought a cute glitter pot thing for my costume as well (I'm a peacock! I'll post photos!) THEN I went to home depot and bought masonite because word on the street is it works well for canvas - Well I have no idea why I had been using matt board all this time! I got four 4ftx3ft sheets and four 18x24inch sheets for $14, and they're studier than matt board as well! I called my dad and step mom, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna go home on sunday after church, if I get my project done tomorrow =) Anyway, I came back here, cleaned my room, decorated my door for Halloween, ordered a pepperoni pizza and a 2 liter of mountain dew, and watched Everybody Loves Raymond. It was LOVELY! Then, I created my new routine, because the past two weeks have been so hectic, I don't even take my pills on time D=

SO HERE WE GO

nighttime: Wash face with teatree oil twice
Witch hazel!
Mederma!
Moisterizer!
Benzyle Peroxide!
Et perfecto yes? And then, look, every morning and evening I am doing yoga on my awesome yoga matt (I bought it one day for $20, this is the first day I have actually used it!) from this nifty little tutorial here: YOGA!!. It was seriously so lovely! I am so very excited! And in the morning I am also going to try to watch gilmore girls in bed =) Because I love that show!! And I NEED to keep filling up my waterbottle so I can take my pills at 10 like i am supposed to so it is in my refridgeridigeriator! Perfect =) AND i am going to do a very similiar routine for my face in the mornings except minus the peroxide and mederma =) Maybe minus the mederma anyway.

NOW I HAVE BLABBED ON ABOUT BORING THINGS FOREVER but i dson't really care =D Because noone reads this... this is just for me! Love always

Alice!

October 23rd, 2009
UM SO IT IS 2:30 IN THE MORNING AND I AM WATCHING KIM POSSIBLE

Yeah I totally forgot i had even made this blog. which kinda sucks since I spent like, five hundred freaking years on the layout. BUT THEN I WAS TALKING TO A FRIEND and told him to go to my website since he's a graphic design person and was clicking around and realized I actually had a blog.

So look. I'm blogging. I'm actually really tired and about to go to bed =( But thought if I didn't write this I wouldn't be making progress. SO. I am going to actually try to update this blog! But don't expect archive to um, ever get anything in it. Because i am way to lazy to code (AKA: Talk to Alx, the programmer for the website I work for and get him to do it for me) a way to make things automatically archive. Maybe like. Once a month, I will clear the main page and move everything to archive with little like, links. But I dont know if I can quite be bothered. Maybe like, a month page. "October 2009". You click on that and you go to a page with all the posts from October, 2009. I don't know xD I am going to TRY and make it so you can post comments on this, but since noone is really going to read this, i don't know if I can be bothered xD

I AM CERTAINATELY NOT BOTHERED ABOUT OR BY GRAMMERAR OR SPELLERING =D

this is my blog bitches =)

September 7th, 2009
Hello! So today I made this blog! it was pretty magical =) It's not done yet... I still have to install word press and figure out how I'm going to do the archiving and stuff. And get links. I WILL LINK TO YOUR SITE. HIT ME UP ON THE TAGBOARD. I WILL LINK K?

other than that i have nothing productive/insightful to say. this is more of a personal diary for me. I doubt anyone will read it xD